HER HAND IS STUPID!!

man, so i went to 7eleven today to buy a 12 pack of redbull...oh yeah i started drinking redbull again..wooh! and the stupid clerk monster says, "didn't you just buy a pack of those 2 days ago?"
damnit, i don't want to make small talk with you...i really need to go home and peeee!!! so i just tried to humor her and told her to "please hurry along this transaction".
"looks like you have an addiction. doctor told me i can't drink caffeine anymore because it gives me the shakes" she decided THAT I CARED!!
so i had to tell her yeah my doctor told me to stop with the caffeine too. so then she asks me to see how badly i shake trying to compare her stupid pudgy quivering hand next to mine...HER HAND IS SO STUPID!!! GRRRRRNGH!!!

so i had to tell her "i never got the shakes, but instead developed ulcers in my intestines GIVING ME HORRIBLE PAINS AND CAUSING ME TO POOP BLOOD FOR A MONTH!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH 24 HOUR CONVENIENT MONKEY MONSTER FOR TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH STRANGERS WHO WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO JUST STAND HERE AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE! YOU THINK I'M GOING TO TELL YOU, A STRANGER, MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS RIGHT HERE AND NOW!? EH!?"

THIS IS WHY I STARTED A BLOG!! some people. honestly.


anyways, i've been on this bad scary movie kick this whole year and i finally got to rent Gingerdead Man with Gary Busey. I'VE BEEN WAITING TO RENT IT FOR 8 STUPID MONTHS!!! sooo STUPID!! hate blockbuster.




but anyways, i'm going to spoil the movie for everybody who hasn't seen it yet right now in a quick summary:

BLAM!! gary busey shoots everybody in a bakery that he's robbing except for the daughter of the baker who owns the place. in the next scene the girl reads in the newspaper that Gary was executed and his ashes were sent to his mom. then his mom delivers a box of recipes to make gingerbread cookies that contain Gary's ashes to the baker. and the secret ingredients needed to make Gary come back to life are human blood and electricity. they're not included and his mom needed to catch a sale going down at Target. that place is so hip!
so then the girl and this guy starts making the cookies. after pouring the ingredients into a big pot the guy accidentally cuts his hand while he's all the way across the room no where near the mixture, and blood is running everywhere. the good employee that he is to make sure that no blood is getting all over the floor holds his hand over the pot with the ingredients in it making sure every last drop of blood is contained within that pot. spreading HIV via cookies is what REAL men do.

"OH NO YOU ARE CUT! DO YOU NEED THE HOSPITAL OR STITCHES!? I AM ASKING YOU QUESTIONS!!!" the girl says something along those lines.
"NO I AM TOO MUCH OF A MAN WHO BAKES COOKIES ALL DAY LONG TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I WANT TO BE SPIDERMAN WHEN I GROW UP."
"OK! LETS KEEP MAKING THESE COOKIES!! WHAT BLOOD?! I DON'T SEE ANY BLOOD IN THE FLOUR! YOU'RE STUPID, I LIKE YOUR NIPPLES!"

and so they mix the gingerbread goo together and it turns all pink because of the blood that's in it, but nobody cares, they're running a very successful bakery business SHUT UP!! then the girl baker sends the guy home and starts cutting out this gingerbread man shape out of the dough.
it looks just like Gary Busey. then she puts the gingerbread cookie into the oven and it begins to bake and it turns into what looks NOTHING LIKE GARY BUSEY.

then while the cookie is baking, this half naked girl comes over, "HI LET'S HAVE A FIGHT! I WANT TO RUB CREME ALL OVER MY BUTT HEE HEE HEE GIGGLE GIGGLE!! I AM A GIRL! DO YOU LIKE PIZZA?"

so they fight and accidentally hit the electric box which causes electricity to run into the oven and bring Gary Busey back to life as the Gingerdead man....OH! I JUST GOT IT!! GINGERDEAD MAN!! I JUST GOT IT!! a play on words. how clever!! i'm so smart sometimes, yes i really think so. my mom is proud.

then the gingerdead man runs out of the oven and is being a good actor and i don't remember much else about the movie except for the end when spiderman jumps down from the window and bites Gary Busey's head off.

anyways, if i had to rate that movie on a point scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, i'd give Gingerdead Man a "THUMBS UP AWESOME! LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN!!!"

a new painting

GOOD HELLO! i have a new painting for showing and EXPLAINING! the photo is no good, but for example using...it is DELICIOUS! TASTE THE RAINBOW WITH CHEWY BUBBLEGUM TEXTURE! PICTURE LOOKING WILL CONTINUE IN MOMENTS!!
but first i must talk about my day. BECAUSE YOU ALL MUST KNOW WHAT INTERESTING ADVENTURES I ENDURE EACH AND EVERY DAY!!

I'll begin with when i woke up..at 6:15AM!! to make pee-pee
and then 6:18AM!! i went back to bed

then for awhile, nothing happened.

UNTIL 8:15AM!! i got up again to make pee-pee one more time. BUT THEN I GOT READY FOR WORK!!

then i went to work and stood around the watercooler all day drinking water.

6:45PM!! i got out of work. 7:05pm, i got home faced with a horrible emergency...TO MAKE PEE-PEE!!!

then i sat around for 5 hours drinking coffee and beer....

so now anyways...
LOOK AT MY PAINTING!
this is the painting for the upcoming show, "IT'S ALL WOOD" sponsored by Kid Robot and curated by Portland's most worshipped evil overlord, Ryan Bubnis. MEATBALLS ARE EATEN IN HONOR OF HIS NAME!! so tastee

the title of this piece is : "The Corndogs of Life"
and the medium is : acrylic on wood
and the size is: 20" x 14.5"
and also it's cursed to grant wishes.
but only evil wishes.
and it was splashed with monkeys blood.
and also the blood was blessed by superman.

you may click on the image for enlarging pleasure. JUST LIKE PORNOGRAPHY!!

Well! it looks like it's that time of the day again, so i must now say goodbye. who knows when i will see you again, and remember kids, always wear a helmet when sitting on the toilet for an extended period of time.

-HELLO

my very first blogging post!

HI! i'm BLOGGING!! MY FIRST!! WHAT A BRILLIANT TOOL TO USE FOR EVERYDAY THOUGHT VOMITING!! hello. THANKSGIVING WILL DESTROY US ALL!! as you read on you will notice how much FAT is stored in my braaaaain meeeeeeats!! TASTE THE MEATS!!

GOOD NEWS! i ate bacon today. I LOVE BACON!! IT MAKES MY SKIN FEEL GREASY AND DELICIOUS!! but this wasn't any ordinary bacon. no. NO! this bacon came from the Original Pancake House!! IT BROUGHT MIGHTINESS INTO MY BONES THROUGH THE PORTAL OF STRIPPED BREAKFAST MEATS!!

"KA-SPOOOOOOOSH!!" is the sound it made once i took that first bite of TOTALLY AWESOME!! today was also the day that Desiree ate bacon...SHE CONSUMED HER BREAKFAST WITH TEETH OF FURY!! and for a vegetarian, I WAS AROUSSED WITH SUCH DELICIOUS TABOO!! i was satisfied...so then i paid the bill AND REMOVED MYSELF FROM THAT HORRIBLE STRUCTURE FILLED WITH ECHOS OF PEOPLE EATING BACON!! DAMN THEM AND THEIR FILTHY EATING!!


SO! i've finally completed my painting for the show that Ryan Bubnis is curating out in Portland, Oregon October 6th, "It's all Wood" sponsored by Kid Robot at the Renowned Gallery this show is going to TURN EVERYBODY'S ASS INTO JELLY!!! i guess i could show you a picture of the painting, but i don't have a photo for you yet. WAITING MUST BE HAD BY ALL!!

now i will do some drawings for my next two paintings which you may check out at Gallery 1988's show based on the Chesire Cat, or as desirage likes to call it, the "cheesehire cat" hahahahahahahahahah IT IS FUNNY!! AGREE WITH MY OPINIONS OR JOIN ME IN A DISCUSSION ABOUT THE MATTER TOMORROW OVER TEA AND SANDWICHES!! this show is sponsored by Disney and opens October 7th. Hello.

ok, i'm done with this stupid machine. i'll keep all of you posted...and by "all of you", i mean "mom".

-THE CHUNG!!!